Boomers really wanted to retire. The Boomers could not retire as there were
not enough workers to cover government pension plans and every time the Boomers
tried to cash out their investments, (which they always managed to do like
lemmings), the market crashed.
This was because the
politicians who were in power during what were supposed to be the prime
employment years of the Boomers' lives had failed to tax the Boomers
sufficiently to cover a pension plan that would last forever and cover more
than half the population.
This is when the credit
card slaves really began to make sense – Boomers who couldn't afford to not
work, purchased low priced slaves from the credit companies and sent them to
work instead, forcing the slaves to sleep in their basements. Sometimes the slaves shared accommodations
with the Boomers' 110 -year-old parents, or with the large, locked freezer that
no one was allowed to talk about.
Of course, this meant
that during the first quarter of the twenty-first Century, Boomers' desperate
need to accumulate huge enough sums to cover their old age made them appear
insanely greedy and covetous, instead of merely desperate and terrified. Nonetheless, their children could not filter
their parents' behavior through the reality-colored filter that the Boomers all
looked through. Instead, they saw
driven, bitter, workaholic freaks who competed like hyenas in a desert
drought.
Their offspring didn't just hate the Boomers
because, due to time constraints, Boomers' kids were usually neglected and ignored by
the adults whose attention they most craved.
They didn't just hate the Boomers because the Boomers were the most
populous and dominant demographic in all the rich democratic countries and
therefore had absolute power, which had, long ago, corrupted absolutely. They hated the Boomers because they wouldn't share.
For the crew of the Waste-REL, leaving the fuzzynavel was even more
debilitating the second time around.
It's one thing to be stripped of all your loose, ugly, destructive
personality traits on the first go through.
But the second time through a fuzzynavel, especially if it's within 72
hours, totally strips your mind of all the gunk you learned to defend yourself
against the ugly, messy, destructive behavior of other human beings.
Although Jules was functioning optimally the instant he re-existed in
space/time, the others just sat and stared at the wall for an hour, utterly at
peace. This was fine because Jules could
run everything. They had a comparatively
longer trip ahead of them as they were not being propelled away from the
fuzzynavel at the same breathtaking speed at which they originally approached
it.
Donny was the first to start to come out of the haze of
re-existence. "Juwes."
"Yes, Donny," said Jules.
“Am I awive?” asked Donny.
“Oh, yeah. But don’t ask me
what time it is,” said Jules. “It’s not that I don’t know, I’m just having a
hard time believing it.”
"Can I wad the RediTediBahs?" asked Donny. "Peas."
"Really?" said Jules.
"Coincidentally, the RediTediBears are being uplinked to a
satellite right now, or should I say, about a minute ago, so we're receiving it
as I speak."
Then Jules began to decode the signal (that was meant for the
Digistream Satellite II) onto the display nearest Donny.
Gradually, all the humans turned their attention to the display.
A little florescent pink, fluffy, chubby gopher/bear named RediTedi
sang a little ditty in a British accent.
"Good show," said Mickey.
"Oh, man, I wuv dis show!" smiled Lyle.
"I know this one," said Portia, all excited.
"Yeah," said Donny, his eyes welling with tears. "This is the one where the cherry
lollipop tree comes down from the fluffy white clouds because he's so very
sad." Donny started to whimper to himself.
"I remember this now," said Ayame. "My brother used to watch this
show. It sounds different in
English." Ayame was very happy to
remember her older brother. She loved
her older brother.
"Oh, that poor lollipop tree," sighed Verna. "How can he be so sad?" She hitched and whimpered and then sniffled.
"Listen, listen," said Donny.
On the display the RediTediBear spoke to the lollipop tree. "You mean all the lollipop trees have
been cut down by the Robbibank?"
"Yes," said the lollipop tree. "All the lollipop trees have been cut
down. Now all my friends are gone."
All six of the humans on the Waste-REL, strapped tightly into their
chairs and clothed in multiple layers of self-contained, helmeted space suits,
began sobbing uncontrollably.
"Thaz… so… sad," blurted Verna, who shrieked with grief.
Mickey was getting upset at everyone for getting so upset. "Hey, we have a real problem
here," he interrupted. "We
have to think about what we're going to do about having to kill the
Boomers."
"It's okay," whimpered Lyle as tears streamed down his
cheeks, tears he couldn't get at through his face shield. "I… I know what I have to do."
"No," said Portia, trying not to cry and then thinking of
her Boomer parents and bursting into further sobbing.
"You never let me watch this show when we were kids," said
Donny. "You always wanted to watch
the Little Madonna Show. You were
mean."
"Ah," gagged Portia.
"How can you call me mean?"
She was heart broken. Her brother
had cut her to the quick.
"I'm sorry," said Donny, realizing his mistake, "I'm
just…"
"Well, you… remember that time I needed to borrow your bike
because mine was busted and you were in the basement with your dumb eLationII
and you didn't even need your bike and you just said 'NO' like that, as if I
was nothing -- that reaaaally hurt me, you know."
"I … I can't remember… that was almost 20 years ago." Now Donny's heart was breaking. "I am sooo sorry if I hurt you like
that…" Donny looked to Mickey, his
eyes wide with panic. "How will she
ever be able to forgive me?"
"I'm so sorry I even brought it up…" said Portia. "I never meant to hurt you Donny."
"I'm sorry I was mean to you when we first got on the ship,"
said Verna to Lyle. "Can you ever
forgive me?"
"I'm sorry about panicking about the little dangly thing,"
said Lyle, punching his leg. "I'm
so stupid, stupid, stupid."
"I miss my bruh-uhther," wailed Ayame. "If he was here I'd tell him how much I miiii-
hiss - him. Aaaahah."
"Jules," asked Mickey, trying hard not to cry anymore and
then feeling really bad for bothering Jules.
"Yes," said Jules.
"Can you please help me change the mood?" asked Mickey. "If you don't mind?"
"Sure," said Jules.
Then Jules changed the stream to the world's most popular Webivision
comedy program -- "The Kick Some Guy In The Nuts Show".
By 2044, Reality TV had become the number one form of entertainment
and "The Kick Some Guy In The Nuts Show" had become the number one show. The basic premise of the show, from which the
producers never deviated, was to run up and kick a guy in the testicles and run
away. Huge numbers of people watched the
show and they all peed themselves laughing, except the guy who got kicked in
the nuts -- he usually couldn't pee for a week.
Knowing that this was such a popular show and that humans found it
endlessly amusing, particularly female humans, Jules had chosen it
especially. However, in their present
state of mind it was like throwing gasoline on a bonfire and the entire crew
began sobbing uncontrollably in sympathy with the victim of the show's
"entert-abuse".
"One time… I kicked my brother in the nuts!" wailed Ayame
who bowed her head in the agony of guilt and held her helmet in her hands.
"The straps in this chair are killing my nuts," said
Lyle. This was because it was his turn
to sit in Verna's lap.
"Okay," said Jules.
"Bad choice. Listen,
Porsh…"
"Yeh…esss," weeped Portia.
"You're the psychologist here, any suggestions to lighten the
mood?"
"No… more… video…" said Portia. "It'll kill us."
"What, exactly, is your problem?" asked Jules.
"I think," said Portia, trying to get control of
herself. "I think we've lost our
emotional defenses. We've immatured into
a state of hypersensitivity. It's like
we're 4-years-old."
"I love kids," said Verna, her whole body vibrating with her
sobs. "I always wanted kids. Aaaaaah!"
"Me too," said Lyle, smiling and then crying and then
smiling again. "I'll take care of
them if you'll go make the money."
"Good deal!" said Verna, beginning to get control of her
breathing.
"Will you marry me?" asked Lyle, sniffling.
Verna stared at Lyle and then exploded into a wail of tears
"YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAASSSSS!"
"That's wonderful!" said Lyle. "That's… that's … the most wonderful
thing that's ever happened to me in my entire life!" Then he too exploded into another ferociously
loud batch of sobbing and facemask steaming tears.
Donny turned to Ayame, a little afraid. "Will you marry me and promise not to
kick me in the nuts?"
"Yes, yes, yes," said Ayame.
"I don't do that anymore!"
Mickey turned to Portia, both hitching and sucking back little inhales
like a couple of kids 10 minutes after a good cry. "I love you," said Mickey.
"I love you tooooooo," said Portia, once again weeping.
"Do you want to get married?"
"I thought that getting married was old fashioned," said
Jules.
"Not in the emotional state we're in it's not," sobbed
Portia. "We're all feeling terribly
alone and insecure and vulnerable and I love him sooo much…" She started
sobbing again.
"It's okay, I get it," said Jules.
"You didn't answer me," said Mickey, suddenly all serious
and not crying. "Don't you want to
marry me?"
"Oh, you know I do," said Portia. "It's just that you're so vulnerable
now… it's not fair…"
Mickey tried to kiss Portia and slammed his helmet's facemask into her
own with a loud bang. He unlocked his
face mask and pulled it up as Portia frantically did the same and they tried to
kiss but the shoulder straps held them back; so they pulled off the straps and
then reached out to hug each other and their helmets’ frames were distanced a
little too far out from their faces; so they tried to stretch their lips out,
but they were just a centimeter too short; so they rubbed nose tips instead.
"I don't care if I'm too vulnerable right now," said
Mickey. "In my whole life I'll
probably never get up the nerve to ask you if I don't ask you right now, so,
what's it gonna be?"
"If you feel the same way later, of course I'll marry you,"
said Portia.
"No, right now," said Mickey. "Hey, Jules, want to be the captain of
the ship?"
"Oh, I get it," said Jules, "Okay. Dearly beloved we
are gathered here…"
"Oh, this is great!" said Lyle and he grabbed Verna's
mitten. Donny grabbed Ayame's gloved
hand and she swallowed hard and turned to Jules, eyes-wide.
The triple wedding took about 15 minutes, there were no rings and
Jules had to say "you may now rub noses with the bride" at the end
because it wasn't safe to take off their helmets. Most importantly, everyone seemed to achieve
an emotional equilibrium afterwards.
They ate some yogurty tubey stuff for dinner and that made them feel
better too.
Jules hated to ask, but the Waste-REL was starting to fall apart again
and soon after they were happily bumping around the little craft hunting for
stuff to fix while remaining in the bulky space suits because Verna, Ayame and
Jules agreed that the Waste-REL might somehow crack under the pressure of the
trip.
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