Sunday, January 12, 2014

12. Verna Signs On

Once she got back to her car, Portia phoned Verna.  She was hoping that Verna would still be on-side after she got home.  Portia was worried for a reason. You see, the pink-slip Verna received when she was fired from STC, (which wasn’t actually a pink-slip, per se, but an official letter on STC stationary), was signed by Portia Summers, Mission Psychologist.
Verna answered her SPECTACL with little regard for who it was, or she just forgot, because she was half-naked.  Portia didn’t want to pay any attention to this fact, though she was impressed in a clinical kind of way.  Verna was only diminutive in stature.
“Yeah?” said Verna, looking for and finding her robe.
“Hi,” said Portia.
Verna placed a cigar butt in an ashtray, focusing through the SPECTACL field.  She recognized Portia. “Yes, what do you want?  Worried I’ve changed my mind?”
“No, I wanted to ask you something.”
“Cause I’m packing here, as we speak.  I’m going to put my house on the market and move my stuff into storage.  If I’m going to be away for 6 months, I’m going to pay down some debt.”
“Well, good,” said Portia, deciding not to mention the longer nature of the new mission schedule at this juncture.  “But I was wondering.  In the circles you travel in, do you know anyone who would, you know, happen to be an astronaut?”
“Who would happen to want to live on a big flying garbage magnet for half a year?”
“Yuh huh,” said Portia.
“Not off the top of my head,” said Verna.  “What’s wrong with the genetic super-chimps you guys made?”
“Nothing,” said Portia.  Then she added “though we did have to sterilize them.”
“Why?”
“They were learning how to read.”
“So?”
“Shakespeare.”
“I see,” said Verna.
“I’ve recruited 3… uh, “amateurs” of sorts, but we’ll need one other responsible party.  Someone who can work along side of you.  Someone who’s good with navigational vectors, that sort of thing.”
“I’m good enough with navigation for all the rest of us.  I just bet the company has realized that they’ll need a “people-person” up there with your 3 “amateurs” and that’s why they picked your sorry butt.”
Portia was no longer astonished by Verna’s forthright manner.  “Yes, you’re right.”
“Then if you want to avoid this mission, you better find another psychologist, not another astronaut, you dip.”
Portia knew this was obvious, but it wasn’t necessarily true.  What Edgley wanted was a controlling influence over the team, not a trained shrink.  “What they want is someone to lead.  I think that should be you.  The fifth crewmember should add something scientifically useful to the team.”
“Give up,” said Verna.  “You’re coming along, sweetie.  So tell me, these assistants – any lookers?”
“One is my brother,” said Portia.
“Oh,” laughed Verna, picking up her smoldering stogie.  “Well, if he looks anything like you, I might get used to close quarters on the space scow.”
Portia felt uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was taking.  “I don’t…”
“Look,” said Verna.  “If you want to find an astronaut who is willing to go into space no matter what the mission, you’re looking for someone desperate?  Right?”
“Well, I don’t…”
“Right, so you know where to go – find a ‘Boomer’.  Those old guys still think they’re 29 and they’re rarin’ to fly.  You can find them by the dozen at the Retired Astronauts watering hole.”
“Where’s that?”
“Benny’s Jets, the bar across from the Cocoa Beach Golf and Country Club,” said Verna.  “Just take the 520 off the I–95 and go south after you cross the causeway.  I got another call.  See you launch day.”
Verna’s magnified eyes blinked twice and the chat disconnected.
Portia smiled.  Maybe this was her lucky day.

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